Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
