some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
