think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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