Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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