Porn is love you can see.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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