she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
