Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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