Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh god it's open bar.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize