i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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