i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
