You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
