fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
