Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
worst night to have a conscience
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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