I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
