bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
