it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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