"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
