I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
