Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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