Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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