he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize