wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
