so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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