I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Bring me that man meat
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
