No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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