the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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