Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
