Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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