No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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