Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
