dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
