I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
