it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
