So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
