i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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