I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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