did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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