Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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