Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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