and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
