i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize