From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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