I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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