dude i'm inner monologue high
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think your dad took our porno
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize