somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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