she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
