direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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