Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
