I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
