i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This toilet bowl is my home.
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