I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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