you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
