He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
