In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
