Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
