i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Randomize
