i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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