I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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