My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Actions speak louder than pants.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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