we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
