perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
