Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
