just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
