True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
