Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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