Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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