I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
