yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
