I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
