you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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