New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize