Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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