is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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